i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
