I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
