maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
