come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
