I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
