Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Of course I have a pirate flag
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
