Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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