i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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