did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
