don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize