watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
