you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
