Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
