I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
