Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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