Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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