Can i not drive my cunt home
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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