But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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