Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
