He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
