I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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