omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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