I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
