also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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