I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize