I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
