We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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