Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
