She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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