You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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