dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
