Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
