His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize