i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
