thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
