Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize