Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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