What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
