One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
