you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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