I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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