I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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