I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
