its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
