there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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