She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
