I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
