She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
