Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
