This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
