Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
