Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize