i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
