I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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