I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize