i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
