I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
