I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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