I wish I could teleport
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
