I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
