you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
