jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
