her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
