im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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