What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
