Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
