My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
