you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Shame - the story of my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
