Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
