I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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