I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
