Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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