i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize