and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
