The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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