My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
