Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
