p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
