i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
