Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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