You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize