I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
