he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
