Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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