I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize