i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
