I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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