return my video game
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize