She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
