I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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