Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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