i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
