I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize